i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
