drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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