We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
