we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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