so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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