I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Congratulations! We have a period
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