Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
