I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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