I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
