I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
