We're facebook friends in real life
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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