I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
