just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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