Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
