wanna go halves on a baby?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
