Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize