my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
