After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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