Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
