matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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