i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
