well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
