Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
