Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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