i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
