her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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