you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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