So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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