The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
