Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
