I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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