I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
