Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
