u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
