I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
