new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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