He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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