Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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