After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
