We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
