I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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