You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
