I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
