oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
