but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
