my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
