apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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