How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
