I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
