I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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