I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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