we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
