ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
