I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
3pm strippers are depressing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sorry about my life...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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