nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize