I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
