im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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