I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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