So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
