I murdered the dance floor call the cops
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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