Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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