wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
