She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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