he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
