so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We had sex on a dog bed..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
