He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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