I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My penis needs a shock collar
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize