mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
