we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
