I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
