have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
