Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
