The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
