We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
