dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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