Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
