I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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