he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
