Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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