...so i touched it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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