SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize