hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
