Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm always down for nudity.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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