im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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