If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
