i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
