i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
