my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
