I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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