Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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