Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
