Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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