How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
