Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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