Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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