i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You are the jesus of drinking
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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