He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
